It’s been a few weeks now since my whole life fell apart. I cannot sleep, I cannot eat, I can barely concentrate on my new job at the Art Gallery, and my painting has been crap.
I have constant headaches and stomach aches, and as much as I love them, honestly I can barely stand Sophie and Josef being around me.
I know that I was not to blame for Bradley being beaten up that night after the birthday party, but I cannot help but feel that it somehow had something to do with me. I feel like Bradley being there that night was because he wanted to lash out at me for falling in with the Renegades and Wolfgang specifically.
Camille said that her mother had given permission for her to spend the night at our house with Sophie, but Bradley showed up anyway with the excuse of taking her home.
If Bradley hadn’t been there that night, half wild with anger, perhaps what happened to him may not have happened at all. I cannot know what would have happened Mom, only wish that it didn’t happen and try to move through what is happening.
What is happening is that my boyfriend is being brought to trial on something he didn’t do and it’s killing me.
I am doing my best to keep my spirits up when I’m around Wolfgang, I visit him daily but I’m only allowed a 30 minute visit. The latest news from Wolfgang’s public defender is that the DA is attempting to prosecute for Attempted Murder. Murder!
Mom, this means a possible life in prison but could mean a mandatory minimum of ten years! Ten years of Wolfgang’s life gone. Ten years, maybe his entire life. I just can’t think about losing him for ten or more years. I can barely eat anything I’m so nervous. All this stress and not having an appetite is making me nauseous all the time too.
<tears smudge the ink on the page>
The good news is, Wolfgang’s attorney is going to press for assault and battery. I say good news, even though in reality it is still awful because I know Wolfgang is innocent. Even though I know he didn’t do this, I guess I have to admit that assault and battery is better overall because it would mean only 8 months to 1 year in jail. Not prison. He’d remain in jail here in Windenburg where I could continue to visit him regularly through the sentence.
If he goes to prison, that’s nearly three hours away and I would only be able to make a few trips a month depending on my work schedule because it would require a 6 hour round trip bus ride. I need to believe that this much lesser charge will be the outcome. That’s if a miracle doesn’t happen before the trial to dismiss the charges against Wolfgang all together of course. We have plenty of time though, the case probably won’t even see a trial for at least six months.
Wolfgang is falling into a depression, he’s seeing his attorney overworked and underpaid and doesn’t have a lot of faith that the lawyer can pull this off.
I cannot get him to smile these days for anything.
I am doing my best to fake it around him, but honestly as soon as I leave him the tears fall and won’t stop.
Sophie said Camille has been updating her on Bradley’s status. He’s healing well and will be released from the hospital soon. Which of course is great for him. I’m having a hard time being charitable though because I feel certain somehow Bradley put his friend Gregor up to accusing Wolfgang.
This is why I cannot help but feel responsible for all of this. If Bradley hadn’t been so angry with me and hadn’t come up to the Bluffs in a rage, maybe my dear Wolfgang wouldn’t be facing a life in prison.
I wish I knew what to do…